Wednesday, November 29, 2006

dark a midst the recovery of days.
there is an awaiting sun.
he will see me..
and i will be there to be seen by him.

light against the firey morning.
tightens against it is my dream.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Gut-twisting ads (hahah)





Sunday, September 10, 2006


You're Still You
*Words and music by Linda Thompson and Ennio Morricone


Through the darkness,
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you
I look up to
everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you After all, you're still you






You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all, you're still you

I look up toEverything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through
And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all, you're still you

malena


Like his Academy Award-winning Cinema Paradiso (Nuovo cinema Paradiso), Giuseppe Tornatore's new film, Malèna, dwells in a nostalgia for the past, and for the coming-of-age of a single young male protagonist. Additionally, both films are set against the backdrop of the end of World War II, and focus on the young hero's maturation and subsequent loss of innocence. Though the war occupies a more prominent thematic position in Malèna, Tornatore's suggestion in both films is clear — there is no innocence possible, individually or culturally, after Mussolini, fascism, and the Holocaust. Indeed. As Theodor Adorno declared years ago, "Poetry after Auschwitz is barbaric."

Cinema Paradiso's major failure is that, while it raises the specter of post-war social and cultural transformations in Italy, it is content to wallow self-indulgently in its protagonist's sexual failures and naive desire to escape his past. Malèna allows no such flight. Here the past is not dead or inert, it always influences the future; unlike Cinema Paradiso, this film recognizes the futility of its own nostalgia. Furthermore, the rather treacly love story — between Renato (Giuseppe Sulfaro) and the war widow Malèna (Monica Bellucci) isn't "merely" commentary on a boy's sexual awakening and his first impossible/unrequited passion. Renato and Malèna represent traditional Italian social and gender relations, as well as the political and cultural effects of Il Duce's dictatorship. The success of Malèna lies in how both Renato and Malèna's bodies and stories become national bodies and national stories, and in its negotiation of a delusional nostalgia for an Edenic, pre-Mussolini Italy in a post-Auschwitz world.

The film takes place in the small Sicilian village of Castelcuto around 1941, and we follow 12-year-old Renato's obsession with Malèna. She is left alone, with only her aged father for family, when her new husband Nino (Gaetano Aronico) goes off to war. As Renato's fascination with Malèna grows, we watch him engage in a series of rather predictable youthful shenanigans (which are nonetheless entertaining), including stealing a pair of her panties from the laundry line, masturbating incessantly, and causing his conservative Catholic family much consternation. Recalling Tornatore's previous work, Renato's masturbatorial fantasies cast him and Malèna in the roles of classic Hollywood romances — Tarzan and Malèna, Cowboy Renato saves Malèna from savage Indians, and Gladiator Renato proves his worth to the Empress Malèna. In these images come the first suggestion that nostalgia is untenable: while these cinematic romances point out the unattainability of any relationship between Renato and Malèna, they also belie the realities of the decidedly non-idyllic relationships Renato observes around him. In the end, Renato cannot save Malèna from any of the tragedies that befall her.

Isolated and beautiful, Malèna soon becomes the object of every male's sexual fantasy and the scorn of every local woman, all of whom seemingly exist only to spread rumors about Malèna's sexual habits. Each time she walks through the piazza, Malèna is met with lecherous stares and catcalls from the men, and stony glares and hand-covered whispers by the women. After she receives word of her husband's death and her father is killed during an Allied bombing of Sicily, Malèna finds that she, literally, has nowhere to turn. With no one to protect her virtue, Malèna is a target for sexual predations. After the smitten dentist Cusimano (Pippo Providenti) is caught lurking around her house, much to his wife's outrage, Malèna must prove in court that she is not guilty of "indecent behavior," or face two years in prison. This ham-handed commentary on the place of women in traditional Catholic Sicilian society (it's a virgin/whore thing, you know) is one of the film's major shortcomings. The second is that while Renato comes out of the war and his obsession without a scratch, Malèna is repeatedly exploited and abused; as usual, the miseries of the world are seemingly best "understood" (by whom, I wonder) through the debasement of women.

Also victimized by a local merchant who offers her rationed sugar, coffee, and other foodstuffs in exchange for sexual favors, Malèna soon sees that prostitution is the only avenue to ensure her own survival, and she actually becomes the "whore" about whom all the tongues have been wagging. What the film never really attends to, despite the lengths taken to show how "chaste" Malèna is contrary to village gossip, is how she so easily comes to this decision. But this is also where Malèna is transformed into political allegory, which is perhaps the only reason for her expeditious transformation. Malèna prostitutes herself not to the local men who so desire her, but to the German officers who occupy the town, just as, the film is suggesting, Il Duce prostituted Italy to Hitler's Germany. Now that Malèna's body and story have become the stuff of national symbolics, her fate at the hands of Castelcuto's women after the war is anything but surprising. Once Mussolini is overthrown and the U.S. army liberates Sicily — in a particularly gruesome scene — these women drag Malèna into the piazza, where they beat her, shave her head, and banish her.

In the aftermath of the war, the integrity of the nation must be reasserted, and this is effected on the local, Castelcuto level by abjecting the compromised body of Malèna. That is, her body and her life are a past that must be forgotten/gotten rid of. The film continues to demonstrate how the villagers attempt to rewrite history — as well as their own roles in that history — and how local knowledges are thus transformed into official knowledges. We overhear a local businessman talking about Malèna's whereabouts, and he muses that she is probably a "Commie" and has gone to the Soviet Union. According to this logic, Italy's cozying up to Nazism can only be forgotten by focusing on a new enemy, and behaving as if the "Commies" are and always have been the antithesis of everything Italy stands for. This man, of course, was also the leader of the local fascist cadre during the war, a role he quickly repudiates when asked if his new party line doesn't contradict his previous political role in the village.

For all the townsfolk's various attempts to erase or forget their own roles in the war, in the end Malèna returns to Castelcuto and becomes a constant physical reminder of the past, its continuity, and presence in today. Malèna's presence repeatedly challenges the nostalgia for an "innocent" past that infuses the population of post-war Castelcuto. The past is never simply past; this is the "lesson" that Renato learns. And while Malèna at first seems to be about one boy's sexual awakening, on a much broader level, it is about his — and Italy's and "our" — coming into historical consciousness, our awakening to the vicissitudes and legacies of the past and how they influence bodies and histories, both individual and national.



the pride lives behind the cliff.
suffering the white ness behind this dirt.

"I don't want to be happy today,
For tomorrow IF I will be sad, and I will remember that I was happy yesterday --
It will be the saddest day of my life."

-the Hours.

Friday, July 14, 2006

i am leading you back...






it was almost 4 months now since i had my last thoughts put into writing... my psycho-world has suddenly dropped into a halt after all the undoable pain and retrospect... i am leading myself back. and i have finally succumbed into my 'renaissance.' rebirth. ready and aback to hear my outcries and realizations. fleeting to embrace a new beginning and surrounding endings. waiting to exhale the new truths of my be coming and coming ness. again. again.

Monday, April 17, 2006

judas... gospel

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Gospel of Judas



The Gospel of Judas Surfaced.
HENK SCHUTTEN

AMSTERDAM - About 1800 years after its ban by the Church because of its 'blasphemous' content, the Gospel of Judas has been made public again. A Swiss foundation discovered a copy of the forbidden gospel and is currently working on a translation.
This Saturday the Parool is the first to publish a couple of fragments from the Gospel, consisting of a dialogue between Judas Iscariot and Jesus.It is one of the oldest Christian documents discovered so far according to Mario Roberty, the president of the Swiss Maecenas Foundation who currently owns them. He says that the content of the Gospel is 'explosive' as Judas is portrayed as a hero, not a betrayer.Roberty can not provide any origin of the document written in Coptic.
The documents have probably already been discovered in Egypt
in the fifties or sixties of last century and smuggled out of the country. "But the price was too high and moreover no one knew that it was about the Gospel of Judas."For twenty years the manuscript had been in an American safe. Roberty: "It was in a terrible state when we laid hands on it. Pages were stuck together or had fallen apart. A team of scientists is busy piecing all the bits back together."
Scientists are really excited about this find. The American coptologist Stephen Emmel calls it 'a very exceptional find', which will cause a lot of commotion. "From an historical point of view this find is as important as the Nag Hammadi-writings half a century ago. Everything points to the Gospel referred by Prelate Irenaeus in the second century AD."Emeritus Professor Gilles Quispel who discovered the Gospel of Thomas calls this discovery also of 'great historical importance'. "For scientists all Gospels are equal."



closing cycles by coellho


One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What was passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents,lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment.Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.Closing cycles. Not because of pride,incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record,clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

near...




it is... exactly 3 days more before our big day... the most awaited moment of my college life... my graduation... i am expecting, tears, smiles, tears, and lots of smiles... as i walk down the red carpet to my awaiting seat... i will be there.

on that single seat waiting for me.

i, would be reminiscing the pain, hardships and things that roped my life in my school. the grass in the field. the dusty chair in my room. the rushing of students for their first class. and my being tardy and sloppy every morning. (laugh!)

but most of all, is encouraging the beauty of it. my best happy memories of events. i cannot count them on my fingers...